22 Nov, 2006
Japanese Snack Review: Tamagogani “Meisauki”
Posted by: Rachel In: Japanese Snack Reviews
"I’m scared" was all I could think of before eating this snack. I don’t know what possessed me to buy this but I think it had something to do with "adventure" and "thinking outside the box", ectera. I was looking for something out of the "norm" which is usually a snack type treat or straight up candy. And lookee, lookee, I found these guys staring at me from the shelf at Asia Market in Creve Coeur, Missouri. I really had to think about this purchase since I know I coulda bought an awesome sembei mix for the same amount of cash but curiosity and sheer perversion won out and the lil’ buggers came home with me.
It says “Tamagogani” on the package but I think they meant to say “Tamago kani”. Tamago means egg or fish egg. Kani means crab. So you put the two together and get the rough translation of "egg crab" or baby crab. Tamago kani is manufactured by the Takuma Shokuhin Company . These are the same people who came up with squid flavored chocolate and curry flavored chocolates. Ho boy! Can’t wait to put that in a Christmas stocking!
Let’s just look at these guys for a minute before chowing down; they’re hermit crabs that’ve been roasted whole (in the damn shell!!) and candy coated in a mixture of Red #40, sugar, soy sauce and MSG. Then, lil’ sesame seeds have been liberally sprinkled on top. They look almost exactly as they did in life except that they’re more red, dismembered and sesame coated. Their wee black eyes seem to say, “You killed us Rachel! Why? Don’t you love us anymore?” Gee, if that doesn’t put a halt to your snack attack then nothing will.
I waited until I was really hungry to eat this, I mean REALLY hungry. We all know hunger is the best spice. But actually, no amount of spice in the world woulda made this crap any better and I had a lotta spice at 1:00 in the afternoon.
I put one in my mouth and waited for the party I was promised on the packaging. No bells no confetti, just a sweet and incredibly salty flavor kinda seeped onto my tongue. Chewin’ time…Oh, grosss!! It’s crunchy in a baaaad way! Eww, gritty, crunchy sand abrading teeth, must, chew, faster! I crunched and more salt exploded in my mouth. Arrgggg! Keep on chewing Rachel; it’s almost over, but noooo! There’s a chewy inside as well! It’s the small, barely there amount of crab meat that all hermit crabs hide inside their chitinous selves. So now, along with sandy, gritty crunchiness, I’m assaulted by chewy morsels of roasted crab meat that don’t taste like crab!!
Finally after what seemed like forever, it’s over, I swallow it and now I’m really thirsty. I look at the package and at the small forms on the plate and decide to try it just one more time. Craappp! Same thing! Wait, wait, wait, just one more…Stupppiddd! OK, now, they can’t be so horrible (I’m really, really hungry by this time BTW), so one more. Bleh, now I’m done.
I have horrific heartburn and my mouth feels like a sandy sewer, but it’s over with. My chest hurts for some reason and I have a hard time breathing (No, I’m not allergic to crab or MSG, I thought of that). Don’t know why…maybe it’s the fact that my innards are retaliating for the brutal torture I’m putting them through by eating this crap. Ohhh, it feels like a lump in my chest. If it feels bad there I don’t wanna know how it’s gonna feel in five hours…
I have no idea what to say right now. I feel kinda dirty for having eaten so many when I knew they were awful. Hell, it’s an hour later and I still have a nasty salty, ass-like after taste haunting my mouth. How Takuma Shokuhin executives look at themselves in the mirror AND stay in business is a mystery to me.
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Giving these hurtful snacks an overall:
